The Really Loooooooong Wait

It has been more than 3 months that my result has been out and it has been quiet a long wait before I am to get my joining dates and this wait has been really kind of testing time for me. My faith in God has really increased and as was written in my kundali long back.. this surely seems to be my path towards what has been written as a Dharam Pracharak - some one who spreads religion and advertises it. Will I be that???

I surely don't have the answer to that.. but I know that I am getting closer and closer to that everyday.

There are events happening in my life that are pulling me towards it. Some atrocities which the nature causes and the sufferings that happen to people really moves me- it shakes me up and I sit down in soul searching and the old question time and again surfaces. Why am I here. What purpose do I serve when I cant do anything to make a person happier for a moment. I know what suffering means. I have lived with that for years now. But why have not been able to understand it till now. May be that I have not completely accepted what I am for I fear that the day I really take what I am i may loose all my energy- I may be what others want be to be. A lost man. No I cant be that. I am CHANDAN. I know how to reply. I know how to fight back.. I Know and that's why I am.

I had that experience in CMC Vellore which I think has affected me too much. There was this young girl who i feel has every right to lead a normal life, who i feel should enjoy the beauties of this world. But destiny it seems has other designs for her. She had epilepsy and i saw her having a fit in front of me. And I couldn't do any thing for her. Some incidents do change ur life. I am not able to withstand the sufferings of the others and that instead of shaking my faith in the presence of almighty is actually increasing it. Day by day I feel I am getting closer to him, day by day my questions are getting answered.

What designs destiny has for me??? I don't know that. But I do want to. I do want to help those who are really needy and who have really suffered. But how am I gonna do that... I really don't know nor do I have the slightest idea. This will bring me closer to GOD, closer to the truth for which we are here. One day hopefully I will discover myself. Discovery which will set me free. Discovery that will lead me into light, Discovery that will release me of the shackles of this life and lift me higher than those who feel that they are someone especial- people who are here just to trouble others.

Hope I live up to my expectations and to those who look forward to me.

May the blessings of almighty be always be on me.